Josh Mattingly

From Green Light to Red Light

So this weeks episode of Dirty Talk Dating went live and we talked about “Red Lights” and “Green Lights.” What we talked about was essentially the steps that we want to take as humans to get other people to like us — to let us into their world. For some people that might mean getting out of the friend zone and for others that might just mean a crazy one night romp.

I started thinking about it today and I’m beginning to think the more pertinent discussion is how to refrain from getting a red light after the green light has been lit. And also, understanding the signs and if you’re reading the lights correctly.

Several weeks ago I met a beautiful and very down-to-earth girl at a mixer. We chatted, joked a lot, talked about Justin Bieber — you know, important 2012 stuff! Before the night was over, I asked her for her number and told her that I wanted to see her again. With zero hesitation she entered her number in my phone and we made plans to hang. I was genuinely excited!

By her choice we hung out a mere two days later. Huge green light, right? We had a lot of fun with each other doing outdoor things, had a great dinner at one of her favorite spots and then ended up having drinks at a familiar bar. It was at that bar where we eventually told one another that we were into the each other and that this needs to happen again. Green light.

We made out like teens and it was a great way to end an awesome night. Completely thrilled with how everything went down, I had no problem texting her the next day to let her know that. She reciprocated the feeling and we continued chatting throughout the next couple of days. All green so far, right? Right!

Then, the attempts to hang out again were very one sided. Granted, it had only been a week or so, but the first hangout lasted all day and we had a lot of fun. SO, here’s where it gets tricky…..

I’m not sure if this is a red light or not. And if so, how did it come about? I know she is busy. Very busy. That’s totally cool with me and I prefer to date a girl who has her own schedule! I, too, am a very busy person with a lot of plates spinning at once. We still text each other from time to time and it’s always very friendly. She’s mentioned that she wants to hang out again — just the two of us — but hasn’t made it happen.

So as I mentioned before, I think the more important thing to try to figure out is how you go from nothing but green to seemingly red. And more importantly than that, how to avoid it! I’ve left the ball in her court and I hope she wants to see me again. If not, I hope we can at least be friends. Shes pretty fucking cool and from my home state! If I have the opportunity again, I’m thinking sober activities lasting much less than 8 hours…. :)

Talk to me… With Your Voice!

I made a new year’s resolution this year. One tiny, considerate resolution and it’s only February and I’m almost ready to give it up. You see, in 2012 my goal was to stop texting so much — especially if its a girl I’m in to. When I originally started telling people that I was going to pick up the phone and make voice contact with other human beings, it was looked at as refreshing. Hell, when I tell people that today they all pretty much say the same thing. Women tell me that it’s chivalrous or gentlemanly. Men tell me that I’m “on to something” as if it’s some new-age trickery to get into a womans heart. Out of the handful of girls I’ve gone on dates with since December, only two have picked up my calls….

Some of the girls I’ve gone out with even specifically asked me to call them. I don’t get it! Of course I would leave a voice mail (like an idiot). Why should I expect anyone to listen to a voice mail? Hell that takes at least 12 seconds of their time in this age of instant gratification and YouTube attention spans… sigh… But somehow they manage the time to text me a “sorry I missed you call” message. Somethings just not right here.

Recently I’ve not only noticed this happening with girls I go out with, but with girls I want to be friends with. Do they think that because I’m calling them it immediately means I’m interested on that level? Has texting really affected relationships to the point that a phone call means more than a simple method of communication? Fuck… I hope not. I just want to chat with someone so I can hear their tone of voice, interpret their sarcasm and crack jokes. I can’t to any of that with my cell phone screen!

So I’ve been doing the phone thing for a while with unexpectedly low results. I’m torn because like everyone else, it’s more convenient for me to text but I’ve never been one to follow the crowd. I guess I’ll continue fighting the good fight. I mean, I can’t give up after only a month or two, can I? After all, something as small as a phone call can be a pretty big deal to someone these days. And who knows, the time I call a girl after a date to tell her I had a great time might just help help her decide if she wants to see me again.

To the ladies: pick up your phones! Regardless if a guy likes you or wants to be friends with you, maybe he’s just trying to be a good dude. I know we all lead busy lives but someone’s voice could very well change your day for the better. Think about it. :)

Thoughts? Let me know here or on Twitter @JoshMattingly